How to Support People Who Are Grieving

How to Support People Going Through Grief Following the earthquake disaster that plunged the entire country into mourning, unfortunately many people are struggling to cope with the pain of losing loved ones. This loss and grieving process can vary from person to person and depends on many factors. Specialist Psychologist Ezgi Dokuzlu from Anadolu Health Center, noting that the environment and culture in which a person lives and grows up, their relationships with others, their coping methods, spiritual beliefs, how the loss occurred, the magnitude and closeness of the loss, and their coping strategies differ, stated: "Behavioral, cognitive, emotional and physical reactions resulting from loss are normal. However, despite an average of 6 months passing, if social, professional and personal functioning progressively deteriorates, this can be defined as traumatic grief." Specialist Psychologist Ezgi Dokuzlu from Anadolu Health Center, in addition to explaining the correct ways to support people who have lost loved ones, provided the following information regarding the grieving process and its stages:   First stage The stage of numbness. The initial reaction of an individual who learns that their loved one has passed away is shock, and they cannot accept the loss of the loved one, fall into a void and become disappointed. Denial and non-acceptance are normal. This stage can last from a few hours to several weeks. The person may fear feeling better, may feel guilt. They may project their anger onto those around them. They may have difficulty calming down or may be more unresponsive than normal.   Second stage The stage of yearning and searching for the lost person, which can last several months or several years. After the loss, the person begins to better comprehend the reality. The person may liken someone they see outside, their speech, behavior or appearance to the person they lost. The grieving person oscillates between two emotional states. Yearning and pain. The feeling of yearning brings with it the behavior of searching for the person who has lost their life.   Third stage The stage of emotional collapse and despair. A person may harbor hostility toward people who console them because they think the consoling person did not care about the person who lost their life, accepted this situation. In some cases, they may even think they could be responsible for the person's death. In such a situation, the grieving person expects respect regarding the loss rather than consolation from those around them.   Fourth stage The recovery stage. The grieving person is now stronger against negative emotions. They can control their anger, accept that their life will not be as it was before, can empathize more, and can put their life back in order. The absence of the lost person is accepted and the routine of life resumes. During this time, socialization occurs and new skills are acquired. This process is not merely a healing or wound-healing stage. The person begins to continue with their new situation what they previously had. They attempt to adapt to the new reality.

How Do Children Experience the Grieving Process?

Ages 3-5: Changed living conditions and disrupted order cause children to experience adjustment problems. Particularly in this age group, as a result of exposure to the effects of natural disasters, fear, confusion and insecurity develop. Ages 6-11: Children in this age group are beginning to reach the maturity to make logical interpretations about events. Seeing that adults are also defenseless and vulnerable to disasters, they may experience loss of trust in them.  

How do we support people experiencing loss and going through the grieving process?

• Words should be chosen carefully, spoken slowly, and attentive conversation should be conducted allowing for silence at appropriate times. • Privacy should be provided for the person experiencing loss. There should be no pressure or overwhelming them with constant support. • A light touch on the hand or shoulder or sitting beside them can emphasize that the person is valued. • Permission should be given for grief to be experienced in the desired environment, all behaviors related to grieving should be accepted, and it should not be forgotten that reactions are individual. • After a destructive and exhausting disaster, there may be a state of reluctance, weakness and depression lasting 4-6 weeks. We should not forget that this period is normal. We should try to spend this time with our loved ones if possible. • Certainly, we will have thoughts and feelings related to this disaster in our minds. However, what we received from external factors tired us considerably. For a period, we should restrict news related to earthquakes and focus on daily life. • By allowing the person to experience their emotions, an appropriate environment should be provided for them to realize their loss and express their grief. • It should be accepted that emotional confusion is normal. Changes in the person's behavior before and after the loss should not be emphasized. • A calm, grief-accepting and safe environment should be provided. We should not forget that conversation is less important than being present with the person during such times. • It is quite important to help the person who has lost a loved one find ways to continue their bonds with the lost person. • Talking with someone who has previously experienced loss will be very beneficial to the grieving person. The person may feel understood and feel better.